appreiciation .. but maybe I'm just whining

make time.

i don't know if im happy enough to be happy. i don't know if he's ever happy.

i missed a vday card, i've missed every card that could have been received the past three years. i've missed personal gifts, you know the ones which you know are for you and you only. not something to be shared or to help benifit the other. kinda like the bowling ball homer got for marge :P

i think i am just being selfish, and whining. these are petty things right?
it doesn't matter that he can pick up jewlery and other more feminine trinkets for others, but when it comes to me...

am i not enough of an 'y' factor for people to even attempt to woo? am i just too strange to even fathom being able to appreicate the things other girls would rave over, gush over, hug and kiss over such a pretty gift whose only function is in its beauty?

maybe i'm jealous, maybe i'm not being considerate of another, maybe i'm temporarily ignoring everything else he may have done for us, me.

maybe i'm asking for appreication where its not needed.
maybe i'm asking all this at the wrong time.
maybe i'm asking all this from the wrong guy.

where do you figure out the friendship and relationship is truly a relationship set to last when these little courtships cease, or never happened at all? this all takes away from the bigger picture of trust, fidelity, and this obscure notion of what love means.

communication, is alright, great in some regards (almost too much so in some areas), and just lacking in others.

i took the puppy out for a walk, and it being a sunday figured i'd drop by his work after it closed, knowing that he'd be staying another couple hours doing work. an employee calls him out, he comes out. we have a smoke. not a smile. not a hug good bye. even the "see you in a bit" was more towards the puppy than to me. he had only called earlier to see when i'd be leaving kingston.

i need to get over this petty self pity and get to studying litigation and some more real estate- midterm and quiz first day back. there are a few things i can depend on for the long haul towards contributing to where i want to be, how i want to be treated, and what could make me happy.