apr.2

the sounds fall from my tongue
but nothing my heart aches for makes an utter
lips forming empty circles, my touge lapping air void of voice
how have we failed
we had ripped through the stitches bound lips, resewn our severed tounge
and to what ends? to wag in silent acceptance, to hold for a frustrated release of condemnation and false happy endings promised with the speech starting with the ironic Once Upon A Time
these heart strings are pulled, again, yet as the fishlines tighten their irrevokable grip they cut, bite into chapped finger, the skin feathering into fragments of our beings to circle up into the wind
can you not feel it suppress can you not feel ur tounge ache can you not touch your hands and hold them gingerly hoping and holding onto what you thought you had
bring them to your eyes. the skin frightens you ...

another's person daydream and he slaughted through them

[apr. 14]: All along the same Avenue

guy 1-you're the type of girl i can tell anything to.
*two and a half weeks later
guy 2-its like i can tell you anything
*more demanding than no.1, so ignored guy 1's phone calls
*a couple months later
*the estranged break up [g2]
*a couple months later
*the stumbled make up[g2]
*winter passes, spring and stress season
* the desperate call to [g1]

guy 1-you're too fiesty
girl w/ a pain to settle-for who?
for you're own good.. but in any case, you need to get a softer guy
what the hell is that supposed to mean? i don't respect doormats
so if we go out, you and i are happening?
god, i just want to talk
yea, but im not going to drive all the way out there for a talk i can do that here
so you still with your ex?
well [sigh], she's always been there for me
and you still doing what you've been doing?
have you heard of my site ________?
oh yea. i have. im happy that you've doing some good things for the community.
so you wanna hook up?
god, that's such your classic line
and you're rude too.
only when i need to be. so, anything new with you?
look why are you still there? you know i can't promise you anything
i'm not looking for promises
so wait, are you just using me?
what's the difference when things were like this before?
because..who is this again?
*few minutes later
maybe we should just forget it
i'll call you
sure sure

*8 months later: complications w/ g2, settles down and happy together in last 3 months
uncle of girl who's pain has been settled- hey, you know that rapper _____? he came in a couple months ago for a tatoo. that was just him on the phone. he's coming by saturday with a film crew and all. [talk to employees] hey make sure we free up saturday for them. [looks to his neice] yea, he's this skinny viet boy. here [show's digital picture]
neice formerly known as girl w/ pain to settle, aka girl who's pain has been settled-[grimice]yea yea i've heard of him. a film crew huh? [thinks- yep, {guy 1's name} and friends. thank god im not even in toronto this saturday. no chance in seeing any of them after a possible dim sum with family]